March 30, 2012


I said, " The path is steep." 
He said, " I'm at your side."
 I said, "But I am weak."
... He said, "For you I died."

I said, "Dark valleys come."

He said, "I'll guide you through."

I said, "But I'm not brave."

He said, "I'll walk with you."

I said, "Be light to me,

And strength as I go on."

He said, "I'm more. I'm love,

You'll never walk alone."
"Go for that interview, Lolita," my friend nudged me.  "But I don't think I could handle the responsibility."  I replied.
"Lolita, it is about time you go on that trip to our branch," my boss told me.  "But, Boss, I still have something to finish here,"  I countered, knowing deep inside that I am using delaying tactics.  The real reason is that I am no longer keen on taking air travel.  I don't like to ride boats either because of so many cases of boats sinking.
My stepbrother who is now based in Canada, who have done a great job in migrating his full-blood siblings over, asked me one time to go and look for on-line job opportunities so I can also go.  What do you think Mr. But did?  Well, of course, he won again.
There were lots of opportunities lost, relationships marred, and souls won for Christ, if BUTS did not block the way.
I like the conversation  going on, that goes with the picture, I can see my but-self in the story.  Once again, I found this among a hoard of inspirational quotes tagged to me by a faithful friend.  He does his silent evangelism over at FB.
There are a wealth of treasure that can be found in these picture tracts.  I delight in claiming my portion from these too.
The greatest counter-attack of Faith is FEAR. Fear of the unknown, fear of what will come our way, fear of climbing up on another limb.  We fear moves that would send us out of comfort zone.
I am a complete example of this.  When I was younger, armed with my diploma and professional practice license, I had a great drive.  Unfortunately during those times, opportunities were lesser.  Presently, there are lots of new and exciting careers that may take one across to new worlds, with high pay.  
The loser in me will say, "well I was just born in between the business boom eras,  I am content of being this way."  
My siblings are now globetrotters, going places with their high-paying jobs.  I remembered the time when my younger sister who works in an economic zone in Vietnam, asked me if I was willing to go with her and be their accountant.  I declined saying that it is too late for me, that it should have come when I was not yet hypertensive.  Perhaps my nerves shrunk together with my confidence in that fateful moment I had my mild stroke.  Short of saying, I lost a lot of opportunities because I gave in to my BUT buddy.
Anyway, I am content where I am (sweet-lemoning?), although not perfectly but fine.  I like my volunteering job at the children's center in church and going some places to review sponsored partner funds.  I have a few bookkeeping clients who have been loyal to me until the end.  Don't take this as being ungrateful, I am so blessed to have my jobs and sidelines.  I praise God for them and for how He has taken cared of us.  I am content.  I just had to share my but-moments.
I don't envy my siblings (well honestly, just a little).   In fact, I am very happy for them.  There are benefits too, like my Mother, who is now an immigrant to NY.  I have that in my long list of blessings, if not me, then it should be my Mama.  It is a very comforting thing to see her in good health, that she can tackle the long flight back home, and the evidence of living where she is now keeps me in awe of God.  She has seen several autumns in Central Park and has gone apple picking even when the snow came earlier last year.
Pssst, can I add another negative-resident in my brain?  What if I took opportunities?  Would I have been able to realize dreams that were born, which eventually died, if the but did not interfere?
Here I am in front of my PC typing away.  I am in a place God planted me and I am willing to grow in this soil, bear fruits and thrive for Him.
What if, what if, if only, sigh, snort!!.......
Ohhh! Two of my resident anti-Faith-plaques are tumbling around the washer and ready to drain........ go, go, go away.  Currently cleaning up.
This is a powerful read:  The "Unstoppable" Negative Thought



  1. Wow, Lolita, you are an amazing writer! This was such a sweet read! I can't believe how insightful about your own feelings you are! I'm so glad I found you! Let me share something with you that will surprise you. I was born in Brazil and ever since I watched Wonder Woman (Hehehe) on TV I wanted to come live here. I fell in love with American ideals through her when I was very young... To be continued...

  2. When my mother died of cancer (I was 13-ish) and my alcoholic father plunged into alcoholism I met an American Baptist missionary couple who became like a second set of parents to me. I never felt like I fit in with Brazilian culture and I thought that it was because I was more American. When I came to live in the US I found out I didn't quite fit in here either but by then I had learned to love and accept myself for who I am. Maybe too much. Hehehe. I feel right at home here though--while back in Brazil it always felt foreign... To be continued...

  3. Your writing speaks to my heart!

  4. Lolita, great honest post. I must credit my husband for being the one God used to push me out of my comfort zone. Trust me I would never leave family, good church, good country for any other reason then there are lost soul tucked in remote place of this earth who need to hear the gospel in their own language. I am not adventeous at all... I don't like new things. Often I have ask my self why God did you send me all over the world filled with fear most of the time. Only reason my simple mind can come up with bring Him glory. Which is why my dear wise hearted sister He has put you there. James and few other brothers and sisters stayed in the local church in Jeruselem, thanks for staying in the home church...God knows we need wise women to help those younger ones along the way.

    Blessings my friend.

  5. Lolita-
    First of all-I am bowing in praise to your wonderful, wide-open from the heart Post! Guess what- BUT did not interfere at all with you pouring the words out, looking over everything in your past-not letting BUT put anything you are feeling to the side.

    You my dear have as we say here in Texas "Given BUT one swift hard Kick in the BEHIND!!"

    Now BUT is behind you-yes you will glance his way from time to time-lets be honest-we are human and can be our worst enemy at times.

    For you dear Lolita-God has guided you every step along your path of life and He continues with you because of one simple fact: Your heart is open and you truly desire to Love and Serve Him!

    You are an inspiration to every person who is blessed to meet you.

    That old "BUT" is gone now-and love in its purest form flows from you.

    I will always count myself truly blessed for having met this loving woman, Lolita.

    God Bless you dear. Martha

  6. My Lolita, I don't know how I missed so many posts, but will go to all of the them. Forgive me.

    I can TOTALLY relate to this beautiful expressed post. I used to be the Queen of Buts. I am better today, but...


    And to Veronica, I didn't know you were born in Brazil. And I didn't know the adoptive parents were Missionaries. Wow...I'm so glad you are here and so thankful for the Missionaries who "adopted" you.

  7. Hi, everyone!

    Hope the new week would bring us new insights to the passions of Jesus. We are now in commemoration of the week to Easter.


    I was just posting away my stored up thoughts and I did not notice last Saturday, I did post 3 of them.... well, maybe that was good as I wouldn't be able to get my hands on the PC over the weekend.

    It is super okay not to get on my posts that fast. I know too well that all of us have lots to do the weekends. I would picture you with your church activities and home errands.

  8. To Veronica-

    Wow, you are right, it would surprise me to know that you came from Brazil.

    I do Praise and thank God that you were raised and brought up by a missionary couple. It was a God-plan to your benefit and for His glory. Your adoptive parents did a great job raising you. I can tell you are the most happy person I've met on the web. I bet, they too have the humor to pass unto you.

    Here in our country, a handful of Brazilian talents have thrived in the entertainment industry. I vow at the way they have adopted the Philippine culture and have gone their way out to speak our own language. You have come from a land of beautiful people..... and have been in the US to a land of good ideals.

    Happy raising your own kids, with the love you have shared with your adoptive parents.

  9. Martha-

    I will still have buts to speak for the glory of God.

    And I am so blessed to hear about your kind and sweet words.

    Those would go a long long way and deep down in my heart to make me better in my journey.

    Thank you, dear Martha, and I love you.

  10. Ohh Betty,

    There were times I felt like Moses, who went away just to distract God from His purpose, or even Noah who had to take a vacation inside a whales belly to oppose God's mission.

    I had this feeling of inadequacy which sat for a long time inside me and did not give me the confidence that I needed in opportunities that came my way.

    But I praise God that He had given me a part of the program of Compassion using my abilities and time as an accountant, and I can be in the sidelines as children grow to be Jesus-centered individuals.

  11. P.S. for Martha-

    I love your line:

    "You my dear have as we say here in Texas "Given BUT one swift hard Kick in the BEHIND!!""

    Yes, with God's help, but has gone skittering away with the help of God. Hope that I would replace BUT by "God would" words.


Thanks for your company. I am glad you are here. Your encouraging word is appreciated. It brings joy like a cool breeze on a hot day. GBU!